Tag Archives: Sisterhood

Just Drink the Kool-Aid, er, Tea: Why Downton Abbey Should Be Must-Watch TV

Erin: There are two types of people in this world—those who love Downton Abbey and those who haven’t seen it yet.

Ellen: Well, if you’re going to lay it down like that, I have a gold card membership for the second category.

Erin: Seriously? What are you waiting for? This series has won Golden Globes, Emmys—even a mention in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Ellen: Just haven’t gotten around to it yet. My DVR is already so stuffed it’s groaning. I still have all of those old Ellen episodes I have yet to watch.

Erin:  Well, pull out that teapot, butter some scones, and erase some of those old X Factors! People from Dubai to Delhi to Downingshire are lovin’ Downton. Cute boy bands aren’t the only British exports worth checking out.

Ellen:  You know I love my One Direction, but I’m willing to broaden my horizons.

Ellen and the Boys at Christmas

 

Erin:   And you will LOVE this series!! Downton Abbey takes place in the Great House of the same name. There, the aristocratic Crawley family live and work and carry on like only gentrified folk can in the English countryside.

Ellen: How “Great” are we talking about here?

Erin: Just know that when I say great house, I don’t mean it like “hey, great house!” but like “wow, this house is like a city block”. 

Ellen: I’m interested. Go on.

Erin: Anyway, Lord Robert and Lady Cora, the Earl and Countess of Grantham, live there with their three daughters — Lady Mary (the smart, pretty, self-centered one), Lady Edith (the plain, snarky, kinda bitter one), and Lady Sybill (another pretty one who’s kind, forward-thinking, and a great foil for lots of plot lines during this period of change).  Oh, and there’s the Dowager Countess Lady Violet, Lord Grantham’s mother and the grand dame of Downton—she causes all kinds of delicious trouble as she passes judgement on them all . 

Ellen: You’re kind of losing me. I’m going to make a graph.

Feel free to comment about the chart

 

Erin: If a graph is what it takes, then whatever. We’re moving on, try to stick with me. They are the “upstairs” people. Everyone else—the footmen, chauffeurs, valets, maids, cooks, butlers, etcetera (remember what I said about that city block)—they’re the “downstairs” people, and they live out whole lives in service to this family.

The drama comes from the look behind the curtain at the Great House. Nothing’s more fun than snooping around someone’s house and getting to see their secrets.

Ellen: Remind me to constantly supervise you when you’re in my house. It all sounds like Jerry Springer with crumpets and chamomile tea, which is kind of hard to reconcile with headlines like this:

There aren’t even subtitles. Geesh.

If you don’t love this woman, then you probably hate bunnies and rainbows, too, and there is no hope for you.

Erin: Don’t let that headline fool you! This series is a wicked good time. Not like just an English good time either, but like a full American good time except with, you know, tea.

Ellen: And by the way, I see  Professor McGonagall in that picture. You should have led off by telling me Maggie Smith stars in it because that right there is a selling point.

Erin: Maggie Smith is the Dowager Countess Lady Violet! I’m going to get to her in a minute. But I know you are not so easily swayed so I am going to give you a full-on, air-tight, rock-solid argument for. . .

Why You Just Need to Drink the Downton Abbey Kool-Aid and Get on With It, Already!

1. Pretty People in Pretty Clothes

An antidote to the Wal-Mart phenomenon, this show has gorgeous people all prettied up and ready for a night on the town, or in this case, the Abbey. The Crawleys dress for dinner every night. Like white-tie dress. Like full-length gown dress. Like the downstairs people dress them with cufflinks and bedeck them with jewels. EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.  It’s people as set-pieces, but it’s impossible to turn away. Another bonus? This double shot of chiffon just might erase all visions of jeggings from your head.

It’s also sexy as hell. Get some hotties, put them in some spectacular duds, and sprinkle them with a healthy dose of buttoned-up British longing and you have the recipe for a little heart-pounding. You won’t be able to see a Derby hat again without blushing.

2. The Young and The Restless: UK Style

And speaking of sexy. While it may not be your Momma’s soap opera, Downton does bring a healthy dose of melodrama to the small screen. The plots, the subplots, the back-stabbing, and the conniving! While not exactly The Real Housewives of Yorkshire, there is sex, drugs, and even death—including a murder. Oh, the scandal! Oh, the intrigue! Oh, the ridiculous fun for you!

The series opens when the family receives news of the sinking of the Titanic for cripes’ sake! Is there an American alive who isn’t enthralled with the Titanic? To jumpstart the series with an ode to the tragic story that mirrors the class struggles inside Downton itself— it’s bloody brilliant, I tell ya!

3. Scrumptiousness

The gorgeous lighting, the layered scripts, the beautiful people—the very scrumptiousness of it all is a big part of what makes it great. You just want to go there—to that place, to that time, to that big, beautiful, old Great House, and hang out awhile. Like every Sunday evening for as long as the series holds out.

Ellen: You lost me again.

This is a show that’s in love with its set and its prop pieces and is not afraid to show it. A footman will deliver a letter on a silver tray, but the music will swell as the camera closes in on the details of the gloved hand holding the tray and you will follow eagerly until that letter reaches its destination. It’s a letter, by jiminy, not the Magna Carta! But this is part of what makes Downton different and special—the little things in life writ large. The whole opening sequence is a love letter of its own to this bygone era. It’s a great metaphor for what is being lost as the world changes and modernizes, and you’ll yearn for those old days too as you savor these moments.

4. It’s a Spoonful of Sugar

Alright, I know I just said that you should ignore the headlines above, but you DO get a healthy dose of some early twentieth century world history.  And because of all the pretty people, it goes down smooth as a cup of Earl Grey.

It’s like a British Schoolhouse Rock. Except there’re no jingles. And no cheesy cartoons. Just tea. And lots of hats.

5. Maggie Smith

The Grand Dame Herself. This woman is a living testament to the best things about the British Empire—she’s practically Marmite on toast (Yeah, that’s a real British treat. Ask Erin’s brother-in-law and sister-in-law who lived in Cambridge.). But in case you need a more compelling argument, let me just say that her character, the Dowager Countess Lady Violet, gets all the best lines. Hard to pick my favorite honestly, but I love this one from the Season 2 opener in reference to the arrival of the Crawley’s American grandmother played by Shirley McClain:

Violet: When I’m with her, I’m reminded of the virtues of the English.
Matthew: Isn’t she American?
Violet: Exactly.

She’s a bloody good time, that one!

6. It’s Quotable!

We don’t just love to quote movies. We like our TV to give us some lines to get us through the day, too. This series does not disappoint. See the example above.

7. Double, Double, Toil, and Trouble

Oh, the fabulous Crawley sisters!  Half the time,  you will want to stuff ’em in a bag and let ’em claw it out, but you will never be bored by these sisters. Their realistic portrayal of the ties that bind and sometimes gag are part of the appeal. They expose the healthy, sometimes hateful, heartbeat beneath the staid but lovely exterior of the aristocracy. But make no mistake, these ladies are complex.

Sybill is the sister we all WISH we were.  We might admire the noble Sybill with her high ideals, forward-thinking, and sweet, kind heart, but she’s not necessarily the girl to admit your penchant for those Derby hats to. Mary and Edith, on the other hand, are the girls we ACTUALLY are—-complete with Mary’s self-centeredness and Edith’s insecurities. They can barely stay away from trouble, these three! Just know that wherever they are, something wicked fun is sure to follow.

8. Fascinators, Hats, and Gloves, Oh My!

Yeah, the clothes are awesome. Enough said.

Check out our fascinators! For you Downton newbies, they are our hair jewelry!

9. Jimmy Fallon Spoofs It So It Must Be Good

Erin: Ok, if everything above won’t sway you, here’s something you can definitely relate to.

Ellen:  Well, if it’s good enough for Jimmy Fallon. . .

10. It Makes Going to Tea with Your 21st Century Girlfriends Totally Cool

Hands down the best reason of all! Downton Abbey High Tea with two of our buddies from The Sisterhood, Nicole and Mary, was a highlight of my new year. I am so sorry that you were too sick to go (Readers, you can tell her how much it sucks that she couldn’t come in the comments. She is still a little sad about the whole thing.) We would have taken you. Honestly. We just couldn’t find a Hazmat suit or a stretcher in time.

High Tea—Downton-style

 

Erin finally had a place to take her hat! Doesn’t she look like she just stepped out of the 1920s??


Ellen:
I could have worn a SARS mask to the tea if you all weren’t such wimps. I do have to say you have presented a nice argument . . .  even if I did have to make the chart for you. You’ve convinced me to watch, now get me started.

Erin: Hold your fascinator, you’re the only one who needed the chart. I own seasons 1 and 2 on DVD. We could catch you up in one weekend marathon. For as Lady Cora said  in the season 3 opener,

“There is nothing more tiring than waiting for something to happen.”  

 

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The Best of 2012 Link-Up Par-Tay

On January 11, 2013, it will be official! We will say good-bye to our blogging infancy by hitting the one year mark! Don’t look over at Archives! Just don’t do it. She’s a liar-liar-pants-on-fire! You can get the full explanation here or just trust us and bake us a cake. Every toddler deserves a cake she can sink her face into.

This is how we eat all of our cakes. We find it leads to less of that pesky sharing thing.

 

What? No time to bake us a cake? We understand, plus our thighs couldn’t handle it anyway. How about joining our link-up instead?

Pick out your favorite post from 2012 and link away.

Since parties and blogging are all about the conversation, why not read the other bloggers who have linked in your row? It’s really the least you could do since you wouldn’t bake us a cake.

But before you go linkin’, check out our Top Ten from 2012. Don’t go pouting that we get ten and you only get one. We’re the Blogiversary girls and we’ll do what we want to, but to keep things fair, we promise to Pin each of your posts, m’kay? That’s definitely better than a favor bag full of Bits o’ Honey and Dollar Store plastic.

Our Top Ten From 2012

Starting this blog is one of the most fulfilling things we could have done  for ourselves in 2012. We thought we knew what we were getting into, but it has turned out to be so much more. We have made new friends and learned new things about ourselves — we love to craft with words, we have enough bravery to send our little word gems out to be judged, and we like to have an audience that listens to us and gives us feedback.

We have learned  bushels about ourselves and our friendship. If you would like to know more — this is how we write together, this is what our kids think of us, and this is what we think of each other. Maybe for 2013 we’ll open it up to our Sisterhood to see what they think of us, although we’re not sure we have THAT much bravery.

Without further ado, here are our seven most viewed posts and three that we think deserve a little more love.

 

Our Seven Posts With The Most Views

1. Boy Bands Are for Cougars Too — This one surely did so well because of the love shown to it by Duran Duran on Facebook and on Twitter. Ellen is still swooning. Ellen’s daughters have their fingers crossed that One Direction will respond too. (Piece of advice 1D, you’ll need these girls in three decades, just sayin’.)

Twelve year old Ellen’s obsession comes full circle three decades later.

 

2. Are You Mom Enough Not To Take The Bait. — Here is the one where Ellen gets uppity with the media for constantly stirring the “Mommy War” embers. In less than 500 words!

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

 

3. 10 Songs to Celebrate Woman — This quick little playlist has proven to be a blog traffic work horse, garnering at least 100 page views EVERY week. You know you want to check it out. Rock on!

This is how we boogie, Baby . . . or something.

 

4. Extraordinarily Ordinary — Erin shares a story about a carpool that ended up being so much more—a tale of a teen, a neighbor with autism, and the little favor that helped them all.

Acceptance is a powerful force.

 

5. Bullying: The Real B Word — Erin shows that there are actions you can take with YOUR kids EVERY day to weaken bullying.

Click on this badge to go to our Pinterest board and repin it for yourself to spread this positive message against bullying.

 

6. Helicopter Parents: Your Time Is Up. — You may not even know you’re doing it.

 

 

7. Ten Steps to Prevent Your Wedding From Being Pintershit — People looooooove our Pintershit series! Here are the others.

 

 

Three Posts That Deserve More Love

Hey, it’s not their fault only Aunt Karo was reading our blog when we posted them.

1. Fakes, Flakes, and Troublemakers Not Welcome — We like to volunteer and lend a hand when we can. It makes us feel all warm and fuzzy until . . . we’re pushed to the verge of throat punching a penguin.

If only these were the flakes we were talking about. These can be easily handled with a flamethrower. Hmmmmmmm . . . guess the other ones could too, now that we think about it.

 

3. Don’t Box ‘Em In — It’s limiting to label your kids even if you think it’s something positive like Future Scientist of America. Save those labels for those Pinterest Mason jars.

Quite honestly, WE could use a little MORE boxing in.

 

3. The Stranger in My House — Genetics has never been so funny. It’s like an episode of CSI!

Anxiety!?! Yeah, I got anxiety! Ellen and her mad genetic knowledge saved the day!

 

Happy BLirth-day! Favorite Post of 2012 Link-Up PAR-TAY!

What’s a BLirth-day you say? BLogging + Birthday = BLirth-day. We explain it all here. All you need to worry about is picking your favorite post from the last year. We can’t wait to see (and Pin) what you link!

— Ellen and Erin



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The Like Totally For Real 80s

It was the worst of times. It was the best of times. It was the 80s.

Ellen: So what do you think of when you think 80s?

Erin: Besides BIG? Madonna clothes, lace gloves, legwarmers, big shoulder pads.

Ellen: You are 100% correct, buuuuuuuuuuuuut . . .

Erin: Seriously? You say I’m right, but then qualify it with a mile long but? I’m right. I lived through the 80s. I know. End of story.

Ellen: I think you’re looking through St. Elmo’s Fire colored glasses. I just feel like all of that stuff is the cute music video 80s. For example, my daughter had to make an 80s costume for a play she was in last year. Behold.

This is a little too adorable to be authentic.

 

Erin: She looks adorable — leg warmers, lace glove, jelly bracelets — everything I said. She even has a little Vans action thrown in.

Ellen:  See, it’s that word “adorable” that’s getting me. Forget about the Benetton commercials and MTV. I’m talking about the REAL 80s — the 80s that walked down the halls of the middle schools and high schools. The 80s of which we BOTH have photographic evidence.

Erin: Well you’re going to have to gag on that spoon all by yourself because you know I still can’t scan pictures.

Ellen: Oh, if you are throwing down the fingerless lace glove gauntlet, then I am accepting the challenge because we owe it to the children to give an accurate history.

(Just to be clear – All Photographic Embarrassment Evidence is Ellen’s)

10 Righteous BIG Slices of the REAL 80s

1. Overview of an 80s Teenage Girl

That’s right, we had BFF before there was texting. Stick that on your skateboard and pump mongo. And speaking of not having texting, check out that extra long phone cord — necessary so you could roam free while talking to your BFFs. We’ll talk about the fashion later, but note that my room was About Last Night purple and green. And my love for Duran Duran was/is real, Folks. Today’s technology met yesterday’s fangirl when Duran Duran tweeted and Facebooked about my post. It was a dream come true that I didn’t even know was possible back in the day.

2. Real Righteous Everyday 80s Fashion

Loose mile long sleeves ending at your waistline is super flattering. We’re thinking of bringing it back.

Despite what the Disney Channel would have our kids believe, we did not walk around looking like we just jumped out of a Cyndi Lauper video . . .  that was for special occasions. Mainly, we looked like we were drowning in our clothes. I had the best figure of my life and I was swallowed in Benetton and Esprit. Just look at my tiny friend above. We wore over-sized shirts, baggy pleated jeans, scrunched socks,  huge bows in our hair, and over-sized blazers with linebacker shoulder pads. The only thing we tried to make small was the bottom of our jeans — those were folded, rolled and pegged. The rest of the pants were ballooning around us, but those leg openings were tight.

If you were serious, you put a safety pin in that cuff. Just to show it who was boss.

3. Totally Tubular Hair

This should probably not be its own category because it will be featured in EVERY picture, but I could not resist. Plus it gives a glimpse of the special occasion 80s. Check out  those gloves! I never took them off for the entire dance. You know why? Because my hands were a blue stained Smurfy mess by the time I reached the dance. Wrapping your hands in synthetic satin makes them sweat. A lot.

That hair is big and that dress is something else — drop-waist, puffed sleeves, AND a big bow —  but I’m just reminiscing about not having to wear Spanx. Which is a very good thing since it wasn’t invented and satin is not forgiving, People. — Ellen

Erin: You know, truly, that picture is not THAT bad. 

Ellen: I’m easing them into it. Just wait.

 

4. Gnarly Accessories

Of note, this is a scan of an honest to goodness Polaroid picture — not some punk Pic Monkey frame. This post is dripping 80s. In a totally oozing way. — Ellen

It was really the accessories that made the outfits. Huge cross pendants (thanks Madonna), huge brooches, huge earrings — the 80s were B-I-G! Swatches, stacked rubber bracelets, fedoras, oh my! You could generally tell everything about a person from the buttons on their denim or Members Only jackets. I don’t think I can express enough that things were big and gaudy.

This picture was to show the buttons on my jacket. Unfortunately, most of them were on the right side, but you get the idea. I did promise the hair would get worse, so there’s that.

Erin: That hair just got real.

Ellen: Told you. Did they have straightening irons back then?

Erin: All evidence indicates no.

 

 5. We Were All Valley Girls — Fer Shur

The 80s was all about teens adopting the ways of California. In particular we emulated Valley Girls — girls from the San Fernando Valley who spoke with atrocious grammar and diction, glorified shallowness and stupidity, and revered shopping as an art form. “Gag me with a spoon.”  Our parents were so lucky. It really is beyond description. Let Moon Unit Zappa describe it to you in song. On Solid Gold no less.

 

6. When We Weren’t Valley Girls, We Were Skate Rats and Surfer Dudes

Check out my Jams. Just stop looking at my hair and glasses. I was a late bloomer. — Ellen

You would have thought we were all dividing our time between our surfboards and our skateboards — the Jams, the Vans, the lingo. Kate even reminded me I had a hunk of Sex Wax. I did not have a surfboard . . . or any other need for it. Now that we think about it, the 80s was like an elaborate, gaudy costume party. Except we were serious.

 

7. Where We Got Our Crazy Ideas

It can all be blamed on MTV born on August 1, 1981, at 12:01 a.m. At least that is our story and we’re sticking to it. See, there used to be a time when MTV had music videos . . . 24 hours a day. Our parents thought it would rot our minds. Little did they know what MTV would turn into in the 21st century. Give me a little Cyndi Lauper She Boppin’ over 16 and Pregnant any day. And yes, we know what Cyndi was getting at.

 

8. Well Maybe Movies Can Claim Part Of The Credit For Our Crazy Fads

It felt like movies started trends almost more than they reflected them. This was the decade where the “Coming of Age” movie ruled and John Hughes was king — The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Weird Science, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Pretty In Pink. Don’t forget the Brat Pack either — Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe, Andrew McCarthy, Demi Moore, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, and Ally Sheedy. St. Elmo’s Fire showcased these powerhouses. And then there was The Karate Kid, Taps, Red Dawn, Dirty Dancing, Flashdance, Desperately Seeking Susan, Footloose, and Say Anything. We might be going out on a limb, but John Cusack was the 80s. But wait, so was Tom Cruise, Val Kilmer, Robert Downey Jr., Patrick Swayze,   . . .

John Cusack in “Say Anything.” This would have lost so much of its punch with an iPod.

 

9. Totally Awesome 80s Music

We’ve already covered Ellen’s love for Duran Duran, but the 80s was pretty diverse. You had everything from pop to hair bands, from punk to techno, from acid rock to new wave. We had mixed tapes where Bon Jovi rubbed mullets with Twisted Sister while nestled next to the Dead Kennedys, The Rolling Stones, and U2. A Flock of Seagulls, The Thompson Twins, Madonna, Michael Jackson, and Blondie were also favorites. We can’t forget Rick Springfield and . . .

Ahhhhhh! We can’t list all of our favorites, so let’s talk about these mixed tapes. We could not just select songs for our playlists off of iTunes. We lived in a decade where you had to work for your music. You sat poised with a tape recorder next to the radio waiting for your jam to be played and hoping the DJ did not talk over the intro. If you were ambitious, you could go around to your friends’ houses to record their tapes and – gasp – vinyl records. The sound quality was scratchy, you could hear the recorder clicking on and off, and you didn’t really want the last five seconds of the songs anyway. If you loved static, you were in heaven.

Speaking of heaven, it was glorious when the Walkman came about and you could listen to your music on the go. The belt clip was INCLUDED. Maybe you should take notes Apple.

 

10. The Best Part Of The 80s

Forever friends. How grateful should our children be that we did not get forever stuck in the 80s?

Coming up on Our 25th High School Reunion

 

 

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Check out our books, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

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Get Your Christmas Party On! How to Eat, Drink, and Be Merry in 10 Pictures

 ‘Tis the Season for imbibing, indulging, and ingesting all manner of fabulous food stuffs, but our favorite thing about holiday food is sharing it with family and friends. More specifically, The Sisterhood. The Sisterhood can throw some fantastic parties which means we break out the fancy clothes (read: no yoga pants allowed), ditch the kiddos, and pull out the industrial-strength hair products. If we are pulling out the blow-dryer, we mean business. So, without further ado, we bring you. . .

10 Things Holiday Party Food

1. On Dancer, on Prancer, on Brewsky, and Guinness!

One of the best things about a party is the drinks. And one of the best things about Erin perusing Pinterest is that she’s actually interested in getting her craft on. How do you think this self-professed non-crafter did with the Reindeer Beer?

 

2. Cheers!

Maybe beer isn’t your thing.  Truly, you need all the gastric vacancy possible so you can stuff your pie hole with all of the yumminess yet to come. Well, a great host, maybe someone like this man . . .

. . . will make you a pomegranate martini . . . in a margarita glass.

3. Hors d’oeuvres!

Appetizers are our favorites. In fact, we love them so much, we’ll forget to take pictures until after we’ve eaten our final crudité. We are certain that the martinis . . . and Guinness . . . and wine had nothing to do with the oversight.

Imagine perfectly seared tuna, scrumptious stuffed mushrooms, and a Tavern-on-the-Green-worthy beauty of a cheese board because all we can show you is the aftermath. Maybe a swarm of locusts blew through when we weren’t looking.

4. Crab cakes and tenderloin and roasted veggies! Oh my!

 

5. The food does not get into your belly on its own, People!

You saw what happened to the appetizers! You CANNOT assume there will be seconds. Hostess extraordinaire, Mary, to the rescue. We didn’t have to limit ourselves to a plate of food. We got a tray-full!

 

6. Everyone needs an Erin at their party.

There is no charm school on this green earth that can teach this. You either have it or you don’t.

 

7.  Cleanse your visual palette with dessert.

We do apologize that you can’t un-see Erin’s “see-food,” but how about this little darling of a dessert to bring your appetite back?

 

8. Fortify your cheer.

After all those carbs, a buzz can really start to lag. Time to move onto a Raspberry Vodka Seltzer.

 

9. Perform a spot inspection on the drink master.

Yeah, that’s right. Ellen’s drink was mixed on the top of the trashcan out of a stainless steel water bottle. Know what she did about it? Taunted everybody that she got the last one as she sucked that refreshing goodness down. She may or may not have broken out of that charm school we were mentioning. We’ll never tell.

 

10. Bonus Recipe: The Other Chocolate Cookie.

What do you get when you bake one trillion cakes for your daughter’s birthday? Besides the accolades of your adoring family, you get a completely decimated baker’s pantry. This can be a huge problem when you have to make chocolate cookies NOW and you have no time to run to the store. While Ellen is still a devoted fan of the beloved Tollhouse cookie (And so is Erin! This recipe inspires her kids to say this about her) sometimes you have to work with what you got. Bisquick to the rescue!

Bisquick simplifies the ingredient list and it makes a dough that is made for speed. It has a drier texture than Tollhouse cookie dough so it is super easy to work with and get onto the pans.  And these cookies barely spread so you can place them about one to one and a half inches apart, allowing you to bake more cookies at a time. These cookies are also a dream to get off of the pan. They easily come up with a spatula with nary a cookie lost to breakage. And the final perk? It transports so well! This is a sturdier cookie while still not being a hard.

As you can tell, we put food in its proper place in The Sisterhood, besides just our bellies, and we know how to wash it down too. Here’s a little “salut” from our peeps to yours this holiday season—an Irish Christmas blessing:

Nollaig faoi shéan is faoi shonas duit.
A prosperous and happy Christmas to you.

Full disclosure: Erin may have learned this blessing, NOT from her Irish father, but from the 24 bottles of Guinness she hot-glued antlers on.

 We’re available for your festivities, too. Just contact us at 443-555-HAWT.

 

 

 

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Does McFAD — Maternal Calendar Flippage Anxiety Disorder — Got You Down?

Do you have heart palpitations?

Sweaty palms?

A tight, strangled feeling in your throat?

Does the mention of “December” make you want to throat punch an elf?

Can you relate to this picture? Then read on! Calendar anxiety is real!

Well since naming a problem is 4/13 of the way to scoring medication, we have a diagnosis for you!

Maternal Calendar Flippage Anxiety Disorder or McFAD

Are you stressed? Do you forget things? Do you twitch when you have to flip your calendar? You might be suffering from McFad. Since naming a problem is 4/13 of the way to scoring medication, see if this is the diagnosis for you! #humor - Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms

Ellen: Maybe I don’t speak for all mothers, but my family’s schedule stresses me out. And no more so than in December.

Erin: You are not alone, but I think you’re forgetting about May.

Ellen: Are you trying to send me over the edge? At least after you maneuver through May like an A.D.D. chipmunk on Wipe-Out, you have the glorious summer as a reward.

After December, you have ice . .  and darkness . . . and despair.

Erin: You’re more of a summer person, aren’t you? But I hear you. In addition to the normal homework/sports practices/club meetings/life, you get to add concerts, parades, parties, pageants, and decorating. And YOU have a December baby! Don’t forget about the epic sleepovers.

Ellen: Yeah, I was in danger of forgetting that (read in sarcasm font). My anxiety after flipping my calendar from November to December was nearly crippling. And to add to it all, my newly minted high school freshman has joined a club volleyball team. This means TRAVELING to TOURNAMENTS.

Erin: Isn’t “tournaments”  Latin for games that cost you lots of moolah and keep you hanging as to whether you are forfeiting one day of your weekend or two depending on whether your child’s team is victorious or crushed by defeat? Pretty much, it’s tears if you win and tears if you lose.

Ellen: I could not even open the email containing the schedule last night. My only defense was denial. I still haven’t opened the email, but while I was polishing my avoidance techniques (we all know I was just playing on Pinterest), I got a phone call reminder for my annual gyn exam. What kind of nut cone masochist schedules a routine exam in December??

Erin:  It doesn’t make it any easier that the fall sports are still on the menu as we start piling our plate full of winter sports. We now have to balance the high school soccer banquet in the midst of ferrying the crew to basketball practices. And just to make things really interesting, girl child is in a Christmas musical. And this is tech week. If you are fortunate enough to NOT know what that is, then go break a leg.

Ellen: Motherhood is not a pissing contest, but I suggest you put on your raincoat and galoshes now. I have my gyn exam on the same day that Coco (14) has an emergency practice for the winter concert that is scheduled over top of the travel volleyball team meeting which coincides with my youngest visiting shut-ins with the church youth group. The winter concert is the next day and it overrides swim team practice. I could go on but . . .

Got a handle on the symptoms yet? Don’t make us continue this rant disguised as an informational post any longer. Let’s discuss cure!

Wait for it . . .

Ellen: There is none! Aside from stranding yourself on an island like Tom Hanks in Castaways with only a volleyball to keep you company . . .

Erin: Isn’t volleyball a main source of your stress right now?

Ellen: Okay then. Back to “There is no cure!”

But there is treatment!

Ellen: Pretty much what works for the rest of motherhood too: wine, whine, chocolate, and carbs.

These are way too ambitious to be therapeutic, but look how cute and festive they are!

 

Erin: Well, we certainly have the whine down. This season is perfect for teetoalling all variety of sugar-y confections, so you have plenty of options for self-medication. Sugar cookies, hot chocolate, and cream puffs, oh my! You could be free lining powdered sugar with the best of them in no time . . 

Ellen: Free lining? It cracks me up when you try to go all street. Um, it’s either free basing or main lining.

Erin: Whatever you call it, it WILL help. Until you realize that now you can’t fit into your cute holiday party clothes and people have started mistaking you for Mrs. Claus. But there is still hope for you! Holiday music—the balm for the masses. And calorie-free. I hope. Because I have been overindulging in it since the drive home for Thanksgiving.

Ellen: Are you freakin’ kidding me?  When my kids were toddlers, I had the worst massage of my life because of Christmas carols. I was just cashing in a gift card that was about to expire at the end of December to try to get the lump of concrete worked out of my neck. I was trying to give myself the gift of a one hour break, only to be escorted into a treatment room where carols were blaring from the speakers. I politely asked the therapist to change the music because it was was spotlighting what I was hiding from — the shopping, the baking, the cleaning, the decorating, the Christmas carding. She did nothing but cut into my time to berate me about my bad attitude and to pontificate that I just needed to see the joy in the music. This was the first and only time in my life I have ever stiffed someone on a tip, but she got a schooling on the meaning of Grinch.

Erin: Four out seven of my family members agrees with you, but darn girl. Maybe you need some more exercise to work out that stress.

Ellen: Brilliant! Exercise always makes me feel better.

Erin: Hey, we could organize a 5K to raise awareness for McFAD. Donations could go directly to the wine and carb fund.

Ellen:  Hmmm, that doesn’t seem like a counterproductive loop at all. And more importantly, wouldn’t that just put one more thing on our calendars?

Erin: Good point.  

Addendum from Ellen: MY GYN CHASTISED ME FOR GAINING 10 POUNDS SINCE LAST YEAR.  I did just have  a surgical recovery spanning Halloween AND Thanksgiving where I was not cleared to exercise. Put that in your Santa pipe and smoke it.

 

You can follow us on Google+, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

Check out our books, “I Just Want to Be Alone” and “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth.”

 

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We Are Just Great, Really

This week on Monday Listicles the wonderful writer behind the Bonny Bard, Mrs. M, challenged us to make a list of  “10 Reasons I Am Great.” We have tangoed with this tough-y a couple of times. While we are just fine with self-revelation and self-promotion (we are bloggers after all), we are not particularly comfortable with high-fiving or back-patting ourselves. In the past we have two-stepped around this problem by writing glowing words about each other or by asking our kids what they thought of us.

But this time, we are going to bite the proverbial bullet and play it straight. Or at least straight-ish.

Ten Reasons We Are Great

 1. We are sexy beasts.

Caution: You might not be ready for our Hawt-ness

 

Ellen: Okay, immediately after agreeing that we were just going to say nice things about ourselves, we both went scrambling for an escape hatch.  Unbeknownst to each other, we both turned to our husbands and asked them what they thought was fabulous about us.

Erin: They both (separately) came up with some very nice things to say about us that quickly slid into the land of raunch.

Ellen: We did not share these little gems with each other, so don’t even think for a second we are going to share them with you and the interwebz.

Erin: You’re welcome, Children.

Ellen: Mmmmm, we might have negated any gratitude that may have come our way by calling ourselves “Sexy Beasts.”

2. We have great party tricks.

Erin: We are part of a larger circle of friends who all read. A lot. They all seem kind of impressed that I can remember the authors and titles of books that I have read days, months, and even years later. 

Ellen: And I can save your life with the uncanny amount of knowledge I retained from medical school.

Erin: You are always going to win with that one. Whatever. I also make a darn good chocolate chip cookie.

3. We are the Yin and Yang for crazy people.

Erin: I attract them like bees to honey. And I am oblivious to their crazy.

Ellen: And I detect them. And tell her to run.

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4. We have other Sixth Sense Superpowers.

Ellen: I constantly catch Erin in the shower with my phone calls. Either she is constantly showering so it increases my odds or it is truly a sixth sense.

Erin: I’m just happy she’s not clairvoyant because if she could see me in the shower, well, that would just be awkward.

5. We are DIY powerhouses.

Erin: To be clear, I am a DIY optimist, which is not exactly the same thing. I have great intentions and vision, but you know what they say about the best intentions. . . The example that proves the rule is the time our friend Mary and I decided to make some t-shirts (20 to be exact) for our great camping adventure. Without calling Ellen.

We actually said, “How hard can it be?” before plunging into our ambitious, yet misguided attempt to iron-on an emblem AND numbers AND THEN tie-dye them. Remember what I said about vision? Anyway, despite spending a lot of time and money, we still ended up short on blue dye and half the numbers peeled off. We also spent a lot of time saying, “We should have called Ellen.”

Ellen: And I did this. Do not hold the time frame it took to get it done against me.

6. Photography Junkies

Ellen: I can really more accurately be described as a photograph hoarder. I take pictures by the thousands, but I’m not exactly a superstar at sharing them. It has been over a year since I made a photo book, and I can’t remember the last time I printed a picture. I haven’t even put Halloween pictures up on my Facebook account.

Erin: I am actually pretty enthusiastic about the sharing. I make photo books every year — for myself and for gifts, too. I have even coerced my brothers and sister into creating a calendar every year that has become one of the most anticipated parts of our Christmas festivities.

So it pains me, truly, to say that I have lost my camera bag. Am I hyperventilating?  I still have my camera — thank-you-for-small-blessings — but the bag is G-O-N-E. Gone.  Thank goodness that all of my closest friends have the same camera and I can borrow their chargers from time to time.

Ellen: This disappearance has stressed me out so much that I have searched my garage 3 times out of fear that I somehow snagged it.

7.  We’re still talking to each other.

Erin: Running a blog together can be hard. . .

Ellen: And sometimes we felt like the new kids . . .

Erin: But, overall, it has made us stronger . So far, we are still friends, it’s still fun, and, as Ellen likes to say, people should hire us to figure out that mess in the Middle East. Seriously, we have mad skills in diplomacy.

Ellen: So far . . .

8. We rock mealtimes.

Erin: One day many moons ago we all met at Ellen’s house for an Easter Egg hunt and recipe swap. Ellen is the hostess extraordinaire and she knows how to party. She seriously hid over 400 eggs on her three acre lot. The fabulous upside was that it kept the 20 plus kiddos busy long enough to rock my family’s world. Seriously. I took home a folder full of every other family’s go-to recipes, and suddenly we weren’t rotating the same five meals any more.

Our friend Mary kicked it up a notch when she introduced me to the idea of planning our meals ahead of time. When I went back to work part-time this fall, getting dinner on the table was the one ball I had no trouble still keeping up in the air. I already had a system.

The book that made the magic happen!!

 

Ellen: And if the crockpot is not your friend, make nice now. Nothing is better than walking into the house after a long day to find your meal ready and waiting. It is a life saver on sports practice nights. I can sense some of you muttering, “But crockpot meals are gross.” Well, take notice because I have a Healthy French Country Crockpot Chicken recipe that will make you a believer.

9. We have a true Sisterhood.

Erin: Ellen and I are the bloggers, but the stories, the friendship, and the adventures we write about are shared with a larger network of women. We travel together, share books and recipes and funny stories, raise our kids together, and basically figure it all out together. 

This isn’t everybody, but nobody has brought a camera to book club. . .yet.

 

Ellen: We said it before, and we really, really mean it. Parenting in isolation is not a good idea. We feel so blessed to have all of the women in our lives who have made this mothering journey easier. They keep us happy, fed, and sane.

Erin: They also keep us honest.

Ellen: And on that note. . .

10. We are not vain.

Photographic evidence. Or maybe we really are sexy beasts. Hmmm. . .

 

Thanks, Sisterhood, for making sure we have fodder, photographic and otherwise, for the blog. Together with our kids and our husbands, you are a big part of what makes us great.

Another thing that makes us great is our weekly date with Stasha at Monday Listicles. Her link-up is always a great place to start the week. Check it out!

 

 

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10 Things We Would Do Now As New Moms

So a really crappy thing happened to the Sisterhood this weekend: Ellen had to have urgent surgery for what they thought was a twisted ovary, but turned out to be appendicitis. Besides being in severe pain, she was also not around to make our List together—something we really love doing every week (Thanks, Stasha!).

This was the list we had decided upon before they put her on heavy doses of pain meds. Out of respect to my dear fallen friend, I am honoring the list, but obviously without the full input (we really do talk about this stuff) of my blogging buddy and tempered by a heavy dose of sentimentality.

We both have our oldest “babies” in high school now, so time has marched on, taught us a few things, and even had its way with us.  Time has also dealt us a healthy dose of perspective and if we were to go back in time and meet our younger selves, these are the . . .

10 Things We Would Do Now as New Moms

1. Chill out. Looking back at how worked up I could get about certain things (milestone meeting, potty-training, and early school stuff), I cringe for my younger me. Time has taught me that babies who walked at 8 months don’t look any different than those who first walked at 15 months when they are entering kindergarten. I could have used a nice telephoto lens into the future back then. . . or a back rub and a glass of wine.

2. Trust the Momma instincts. I second-guessed myself a lot back then. Time has proven to me that my gut instincts where my kids are concerned are dead on. I truly didn’t learn this lesson until my 4th child was born. Something was just “off” with him, and I was worried—that deep, sick-in-my-stomach, can-barely-say-the-words-aloud kind of scared—about what could be wrong.

I burst into the doctor’s office at his one year check-up, held my head up, and laid out my case. And, wonder of wonders, this beautiful doctor did not dismiss any of my concerns. As it turned out, Deacon had really, really poor eyesight correctable with glasses. From the moment that baby held my face in his hands when he finally saw me through his new glasses, I have been a new mom. I would love to hug the younger me and tell her just how smart and capable she was.

3. Read Mom Blogs. My first baby was born in 1997. We barely did email back then. The online support and verification that my kids were NOT, despite all the evidence I was amassing, the spawn of Satan would have been extremely helpful and comforting. The lovely network of mothers supporting and encouraging one another through this big adventure would have been oh so welcome. . .

4. Find a Flock. . . . As was the very real, very supportive network we found in our local MOMS Club. Finding another mom that is right with you on the road is so important—birds of a feather and all that. You can all muddle through this parent thing together. And misery DOES love company.

 5. Put Away the Parenting Books. I am a reader so it was natural for me to go there, but the conflicting advice and my nagging sense that I wasn’t a “one size fits all” kind of parent left me feeling a little lost. Again, time proved that my inclinations were just fine, but the fact that I was “a little bit country, a little bit rock and roll”  fueled my early mom insecurities. Now, I would read less parenting books and watch some more crappy TV.

 
6. Play, Play, Play. I played a lot with my kids, but this easy time with toys and silliness is over way too soon. Savor every minute.

7. Get a Decent Haircut. I couldawouldashoulda have taken a little more time for me from the very beginning. I had 3 kids in 3 years, and my needs were deadlast in every equation. Looking back, this was a mistake in every respect. I let my family consume me, and it showed. Once I decided to take some time for me and scheduled some time for that decent haircut, I also developed the confidence that I was on the right track.

8. Write Down All the Funny Things My Kids Said. I have always been a fairly decent recorder of our lives. I even tried scrapbooking for awhile until Baby #4  came along. But I wish, wish, WISH that I had kept a notebook with me at all times and gotten every last scrap of adorable and funny. Kids get big and beautiful and strong and competent, but they definitely lose their cute factor and you miss it when it’s gone. It would be nice to have every last morsel to savor when those days are behind you.

9. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!  I had a honeymoon baby nine months after I moved to Maine. I had a few people I knew from work, but no real support network AT ALL. This is something I would definitely insist upon doing now.

I would definitely take Ellen’s advice to get a babysitter at least twice a month so my husband and I could have a break simultaneously.  As Ellen said, “Without the drudgery of the kids strangling you both, you can remember why you brought them into this world and discover that you do still like each other.  This is a suggestion that usually draws a lot of protest from new moms, but I can’t stress its importance enough.  Maybe I could convince everyone that it is easier than a mental breakdown?” Amen, Sister!

10. Appreciate the moment. It seems silly to explain this one, but I would ssssssllllllloooooowwwww down. I would breathe in their little baby smells until I couldn’t NOT smell them. I would just really, really look at them EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Ellen once said that mothering infants and toddlers was the hardest thing she ever did, and she did time in a trauma center.  Stay strong, Sisters.

Thank you again to Stasha for her Monday Listicles—our favorite way to start our week. And a big thanks to Christine at Random Reflectionz for her prompt. Head on over and check out her lovely blog with her “musings on life, love, and humanity.”

And a really, really, really big thank you to the blogging community and our friends who have been so supportive of Ellen during this health crisis. We appreciate all the thoughts, prayers, and well-wishes. Erin and Ellen

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Fifty Shades of Neutral

Ellen: So what did you do this weekend? Because it certainly wasn’t finishing the blog post I jetted over to you 16 days ago.

Erin: Steve and I painted a room. Together.

Ellen: Forgiven! I love decorating. What do think of the color?

Erin: Um.

Ellen: Um, What!?!

Erin: I think it looks great, but Steve thinks it looks the same.

Ellen: The same as what? Cut to the chase.

Erin: It’s Wheeling Neutral, but Steve stands that is SameAsEveryOtherRoomInOurHouse.

Ellen: Well, Wheeling rolls off the tongue better but what color is that?

Erin: It’s a neutral.

Ellen: Yeah. But is it white, brown, gray, what? Is it warm or cool?

Erin: I DON”T KNOW!

Ellen: O-kay. So how do you pick colors, Ray Charles?

Erin: By name.

Ellen: So if the most perfect gray was named Breadmold and gray the color of corpse toes was named Dolphin Tail, you would pick?

Erin: Dolphin Tail.

Ellen: So maybe you should just graffiti the names on your walls since you are more English 101 than Design 200. What do you think of the color?

Erin: I love it! But Steve won’t stop rolling his eyes.

Ellen: Because?

Erin: Well, he thinks it looks like FamilyRoomSisal.

Ellen: Is it?

Erin: Oh no, it’s darker than Sisal. To which he said, “Well, then it’s DiningRoomHarvestWheat.”

Ellen: Oh.

Erin: But it’s not. It’s lighter than that. More like BackPorchEnglishToffee.

Ellen: (laughing) You have a problem.

Erin: Well, I have been burned before by color. You remember!!! The night before Deacon”s christening we painted the family room what I THOUGHT was a lovely shade of sage but turned out to be mint. The paint was still wet as my tears dripped into my paint bucket.

At least I didn't trot my mint green out into public. I kept that shizz behind closed doors.

Ellen: That WAS awful! But why don’t you just embrace that neutrals soothe you and take a can out of the garage. So your house matches.

Erin: Well, my friend Chris The Interior Designer mentioned Wheeling would really pop against my pretty new shelves.

Ellen: And you didn’t realize it was exactly the same color that you already had?

Erin: First of all, it’s not EXACTLY the same—it’s slightly darker. Second, and no judgment please, I didn’t even know what it was until I got to Home Depot. Chris KNOWS things. She’s a PROFESSIONAL. She is GIFTED! So I went with it, because my minty scars run deep.

Ellen: It’s time for a little “Know thine self.”

1) You are highly impressionable

2) You are not, as they say in the biz, “comfortable with a color wheel.”

3) You like the calm of neutrals

So just pick a shade already and stick with it. I’m tired of the hand-wringing.

Erin: Steve mentioned something like that.

Ellen: You have mentioned that Steve and I share some common traits.

Erin: Happy to have your opinions.

Ellen: You know what your house is, don’t you?

Erin: Fifty Shades of Neutral?

Ellen: Tan.

See the subtle difference? I DO!

 

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Park Quest and 1000 Dollars

It’s time for our annual Big Love adventure! Five mommas and 14 kids need some serious supplies for a “camping” (quotes because we’re staying in a state park conference center) “vacation” (quotes because this is a family trip, NOT a vacation). We thought for giggles, we would give ourselves a $1000 limit.

Shopping List for Big Love Park Quest

1. Food

You go through a lot of marhmallows when your toasters are this good.

We’re feeding a small army, people!  And when we don’t plan properly our wallets and our arses get bitten.

There was the time we thought we planned, but the Pizza Hut Erin meticulously mapped out for us to stop at was closed. We’re not talking we arrived after business hours; we’re talking the windows were boarded up and the letters were pried off the roof. Friendly’s made their sales quota on us that day.

Then there was the time Erin told us there would be a place to get chicken on the way home from the beach (you guessed it, it was closed, but only regular closed) and Ellen spent an hour driving around looking for food. It was like a Christmas Miracle when she found the McDonald’s in the middle of NOWHERE. If only she had a star or GPS to follow that day. $80 later, the hysterically hungry troops were fed. With greasy crap. Oy.

And yes, we’re starting to realize Erin might have a wee bit o’ the Pied Piper in her soul.

 

2. Hydration

6 x $17.99 = $107.94 spent to protect Mother Earth. Yes, we will accept that Nobel Prize now.

We keep trying to find an economical and earth friendly way to keep us all hydrated. Drinking the tap water: bleh! Cases of bottled water: fail!

This year we are bringing big jugs of water and reusable water bottles. While this is going to be earth friendlier, we’re not sure about cheaper. Erin spent $17.99 on indestructible stainless steel bottles for her and her five kids.

As Erin’s husband Steve quipped, “Lost trumps indestructible.” We’ll see how this goes.

 

3. Sunscreen

Imagine it!

We are serious about protecting our babies from melanoma and that shizz is expensive. It might be cheaper to rent cabana boys to carry umbrellas over our heads. And sexier.

 

4. Mosquito Repellent

When skeeters are this big…

My favorite is O-

..this only makes ’em proclaim, “You taste Skintastic!”

Like icing on a cake. A blood filled cake. Ellen just didn’t know.

So since Agent Orange is illegal…

That’s 40% DEET MoFos!

 

Not Erin’s kit, but close. What’s up with the whisk, though? In case you want to whip up a souffle while waiting for the paramedics?

5. Band-Aids

You just can’t prevent the boo-boos. One year, Erin assured us that she had first aid covered because her son had made a mega kit in Boy Scouts.

So upon the first whimper about the first blister,  she whipped out her suitcase of a kit, her eyes shining brightly with pride. If Ellen had needed to set a broken bone, the tools were there, but NOT ONE FREAKIN” BAND-AID was to be found! Apparently, her family had pilfered the bandages out without replacing them. Boy Scout no-no.

Her son limped away with the plaster cast Ellen fashioned, but we ALL buy Band-Aids now.  And yes, Erin’s Pied Piper-ness is not lost on us. Again.

 

Gas to get to Dick’s: $8.00  Three pairs of adult sized Keens: $239.97  Comfy feet: Priceless

6. Keens

With the blisters comes the knowledge that cheap footwear is well, cheap. We have even tried not so cheap alternatives from Land’s End, but Ellen ended up with  inflamed plantar fasciitis. So Ellen was thrilled when Laura called to tell her Keens were on sale for $30 at Dick’s Sporting Goods.

Yeaaaaah, that was for children’s sizes and Ellen sadly learned that even her youngest wears a women’s size now. Mastercard loves her.

 

7. Kayaking Outfits

Okay, so maybe “kayaking outfits” makes us sound as authentic as Project Runway contestants hitting the Great Outdoors, but it’s a joke stemming from the teasing lavished on Ellen when she showed up in her cute little kayaking clothes.  But she knew proper performance clothes meant she’d still be happy at the end of the day. Everyone laughed and made merry, but Ellen had the last laugh 7 hours later when she was the only one to dodge the chafing and diaper rash bullet. She ended up sitting pretty. Get it?

Dry in 15 minutes.

Begging for Desitin 7 hours later

 

8. SD cards

We know, we know, you can reuse them, but we take a lot of pictures. Erin, Mary, and Laura are fabulous at managing their photos.

But Ellen and Vickie? Not so much. We have been tripped up driving all over hell and creation looking for SD cards. So we stock up.

We’re not asking for donations, so stop judging. We mean it.

9. Gasquest

Not that kind of gas. The term for that is “Fartquest” as coined by Mary’s family, fueled by salsa and chips. We’re talking about what makes our mini-van regatta go vroom. Maryland is no Texas in terms of square footage, but we’re traveling from the top of the Chesapeake Bay to the bottom. Not. Cheap.

Alright, we’re PROBABLY drinking box wine out of plastic cups. Shut up.

10. Alcohol

If you’ve read the rest of this list, you know we need something to boost the Sisterhood’s mood after a day of mayhem. We’re only human.

Editor’s Note: We removed most of the actual prices when we realized we busted the $1000 budget. We hereby declare our list “Things we WISH only cost $1000.”

What’s that you hear? That’s the sound of us weeping because we realized we could have funded a kick-ass girls’ weekend in New Orleans for what we spent on this trip. But then again, figure in the babysitting and we might have hit bankruptcy. Plus you really can’t put a price on memories. Humor us.

– Ellen and Erin

 

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