Tag Archives: Sisterhood

Big Love Camping: Camera Angles Are Key

Yep, we did it again. We took our annual “Big Love” camping trip. Did your eyebrows just raise at Big Love? Like the naming of race horses and 7th children, the label developed organically by accident, but we’ve explained that all before. What we really like ~~bragging~~ waxing poetic about is 5 moms handling 13 kids (plus or minus 5 depending on teen work schedules and cousins joining in the fun).

Ellen: In fact, we were just regaling your sister with our stories. Your sister, who I finally got to meet. I swear you were deliberately keeping her from me.

Erin: I knew that if you met her, you’d be over me. Like, “Why bother with Erin when I can hang out with THIS wonderful woman.”

Ellen: She is pretty fabulous, but I’m not over you yet, Buttercup. I always comfort myself with the fact that you have to put up with me and my utterly joyful ways, too.

No, it’s more like I would like to be adopted as the third sister. Besides, she does live over 5 hours away. You’re worth it for your geographical convenience alone.

Erin: And you’re worth it for keepin’ it real . . .

Ellen: Which brings us back to sharing our Big Love stories with your sister.

Erin: Ah, yes, when we were talking about the park service taking away one of our refrigerators . . .

Ellen: And she put her hands up like a crossing guard protecting the lives of sweet babies from the fast and furious Humvee motorists of America and proclaimed:

“Wait a minute! I feel like I’ve been deceived. You have been misrepresenting.”

And I believe your reply was a classic doe-eyed Erin:

“What?”

Erin: Yeah, that fueled her fire a bit. Her voice may have risen in pitch as she continued:

“I see pictures of Keens and canoeing and campfires, but you have a kitchen!?!”

Ellen: Well, I didn’t help matters when I added:

“And bathrooms. But only three and they’re like all mismatched and have avocado green toilets.”

Erin: And THAT is when her head exploded.

Ellen: But because I AM a big believer in keeping it real, I reviewed our pictures. We were mostly posting things like this.

Keens: Serious footwear for serious camping.

And this.

Mary: Spokesmodel for Serious Camping

Erin: Yeah, that doesn’t look like the face of a woman who got to use indoor plumbing, even if it was avocado green.

Ellen: And there is a tent and camper in the background. I guess they could be misconstrued as ours.

Erin: OK, since I love my sister . . .

Ellen: We love your sister . . .

Erin: Since WE love my sister and care what she thinks, we’re swinging the camera around to show you behind the scenes.

Ellen: Really we’re just posting other pictures, but what Erin said had so much more flair.

The Other Side of Big Love

The first thing to clarify is where we stay. It’s a “conference center” which when translated from state park-ese means “really strangely configured two story house.” In our defense, we never claimed to be backpacking in and pitching tents. We even posted a video where you can see the house in the background, but whatever. Let’s take a tour now. Shall we?

The building apparently has a name that is so iconic, someone carved it into the tables. Is it “Downton Abbey” or “Fancy Pants Camping Hotel?” NO! It’s called The Shanty. Still accusing us of “glamping” now?

Glamorous + Camping = “Glamping,” NOT “The Shanty.”

And here is the exterior.

Ok. So it kinds looks like a big comfortable house.

OK. So it kinda looks like a big comfortable house.

But there are only 4 bedrooms for 20 some people because of a HUGE open room upstairs.

Yeah, it echoes. Awesome feature at 5 AM.

Just look at that room filled up with kids! Are you going to accuse us of indulging in relaxing luxury now??

Which takes more skill to handle? A bear in the woods or these beasts?

Which takes more courage to face? A bear in the woods or these beasts?

And look how the kids were crammed in the bunk rooms.

That is a whole lot of girl shoe-horned in one room

Ellen even had to sleep in a closet.

Ellen had to run an extension cord to power her purple fan. Resourceful is her middle name.

Ellen had to run an extension cord to power her purple fan. Sheesh. And to top it all, she had to use her pink suitcase to keep her pillow from falling off of the bed.

And there was NOT a cappuccino machine. For froth, we had to heat the milk in the microwave and beat it with a whisk. A microwave, we said! Oh the civility!

That is the chocolate for the s’mores that we’re grating on top of our lattes. It’s hard to get more rustic than that.

But we weren’t kidding or exaggerating about the bugs.

You know it’s serious when you’re willing to wear something that looks like THIS to keep the bugs away.

Or the fact that we’re communing with nature in the most outdoorsy of ways.

This is why we do it, folks!

Erin: So, in the end, we weren’t really misrepresenting so much as cherishing the best and most important aspects of the trip. We were sharing the essence of our experience.

Ellen: Nice spin, but now that we are coming clean and offering full disclosure, we should also add that in addition to the above-mentioned, we also have air-conditioning, an industrial-sized fridge, and a crockpot.

We had to walk out to the end of the dock to get reception to call for pizza delivery!

We had to walk out to the end of the dock to get reception to call for that pizza delivery!

Erin: But we are still herding cats, I mean kids, through various sundry outdoor adventures and that is not a feat for the faint-hearted.

Them there’s a lot o’ kids!

Erin: But it’s all worth it for the stories alone.

Ellen: That’s what you keep telling me.

Erin: And on that note. . .

Our Sisterhood is what it’s all about.

–Ellen and Erin

What do you think? Does this count as camping or not?

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#TalkEarly About Alcohol: Morsels, Breadcrumbs, and Spirals

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We have exciting news here at The Sisterhood!

Ellen: No, it’s not that the kids are going back to school. Everyone has that news. Sheesh, we’re not that boring. I mean we’ll take precious time to compose an ode to our hatred for school lunches, but back to school? Meh.

Erin: And yes, we are co-authors in the best selling anthology “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth,” but we are taking a fifteen minute break away from promoting that.

Ellen: I’m not even announcing that I’ve cleaned out my minivan . . . because I haven’t. What’s the point? The hamster wheel of carpooling is manically spinning once again.

This is more than a vehicle, this is Command Central.

Erin: Here is what we ARE announcing: We are partnered with The Century Council as Blog Ambassadors for their #TalkEarly summit. This organization is dedicated to fighting underage drinking, binge drinking, and driving under the influence.

Ellen: We are so excited to be championing how and why to talk to your children early and often about underage drinking. We all need to start talking about these topics long before we’re worried about first drinks or even driving.

Erin: Have you just passed out from the enormity of the subject?

Ellen: We know, right?

Erin: Let’s get a little into the how first. Getting back to the carpooling and the endless hours in the minivan . . .

Ellen: Do we have to? I’m breaking out in hives thinking about carpool lines.

Erin: We all are, but what if we all decided to use that time for good? Talking to your kids shouldn’t be a dump and dash. You’ve got to dole out your morsels of advice real nice and slow. Think storybook character in a deep dark wood.

Ellen: And now I have visions of Hansel and Gretel in my head, but maybe that’s appropriate. It can feel gruesome to tackle tough subjects with your kids.

Erin: All breadcrumbs aside, we should all start thinking in terms of opening dialogues with our kids, not “having talks.” The car is a great place to do this because you can’t stare your kid in the eye. By removing the laser beam intensity, the savage beast feel less edgy. As long as you feed “it” at regular intervals and let “it” control the radio, you now have a great opportunity to get your dialogue on.

Ellen: I like to think of it as “Spiral Discussions.” An important topic is not just addressed once and checked off the parenting list. I’m always looking for openings to discuss important topics with my kids. The key to this is being an ACTIVE LISTENER . . .

Erin: Which is easier said then done.

Ellen: See? You interrupted me right there.

Erin: That’s where the active part comes in. It’s hard to be a good listener.

Ellen: But it’s easier to get your point across when you have a good graphic . . . I mean to explain my Spiral Discussions technique. Don’t show your kids graphics while your driving.

Erin: That’s just dangerous and would cause eye rolls of epic proportions. Although your kid might make history as the first person to actually see her own brain.

Ellen: Having trouble getting the conversation ball rolling? My all time favorite convo starter is “Who did you sit next to at lunch today?”

I have used this question since kindergarten. I asked my 15 y/o if she thought it was an intrusive question and she said no. In fact, she told me it was pretty good because it always got her talking about her friends which is easier than being grilled about herself. What your children say about their friends will give you a world of information about their social atmospheres.

Erin: I feel like I need to laminate that moment in history for you. Validation from a teenager is rarer than all of the checkout lanes being open at Walmart.

Ellen: I know! But speaking of a world of information, we don’t have to parcel out all of our tidbits at once.

Erin: Exactly! We’ll eek out little morsels over the next few months from The Century Council about talking to your kids. We’ll share the fabulous resources from The Century Council as well as our own experiences. In our own little way, we’ll be laying a trail of breadcrumbs in the woods.

Ellen: A trail that will lead to a better relationship with your kids, NOT an evil witch’s abode like in Hansel and Gretel.

Erin: I’m sorry I brought up the storybook analogy, but we are going to leave you with one more morsel.

These are our “Words to Live By”.

What are Yours?

You can follow #TalkEarly on Twitter, Pinterest, and The Century Council Website.

We are happy to be employed as blog ambassadors for The Century Council. All opinions, morsels, breadcrumbs, spirals, and messy minivans are all our own.

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7 Yummy Reasons We Are Sad to See Summer Go

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We’re summer girls, so it is with heavy heart that we have to say this: Summer is . . . GASP. . . almost over. Cue the melodrama. But in truth, since we both have high schoolers, we are already back in the land of paperwork and schedules and carpools. <sigh> There are so many things we will miss once the air turns crisp . . .

This is the tip of our fun iceberg. Do you see why we might be experiencing some withdrawal pangs?

But in addition to the long, unscheduled days, our daily adventures in surf and sand, and the easiest wardrobe ever (we should probably write an ode to our beloved flipflops, but our long unstructured days are coming to an end), here are. . .

1. Caprese Salad-on-a-Stick

This is one of Erin’s favorite summer potluck dishes. She takes it to nearly every party and it gets gobbled up in no time flat. These are super-easy to assemble and deliver big on flavor, but they are best with fresh in-season tomatoes and basil. So pull up a chair, put on your favorite tunes, and get toothpicking.

2. Red Sangria

Ellen dreamed up this lovely cocktail to complement all of the yummy eats she serves at her annual Labor Day party. It is so good you’ll want to make it for special occasions all year long, but this IS summer’s drink with all of the fresh fruit and its reputation as the most perfect chilled cocktail ever. It just won’t be the same once you’ve packed away those white pants and switched out your flip-flops for Uggs. So grab this recipe for your own end-of-summer shindig.

3. Watermelon Salsa

This salsa tastes like summer in a bowl which means that when you make it out of season, it tastes like . . . well, a refrigerated truck from Sausalito. Fresh watermelon is one of the keys to this nearly perfect recipe for salsa. So make some quick before it’s too late.

4. Whiskey Sour Slush

Erin’s family keeps a batch in the freezer all summer long. It’s the perfect frozen drink and our friends request big batches for all summer parties. Now we are sharing her dad Ed’s recipe for all the world to see. Just make sure that you thank him next time you see him around. We actually DO make this drink year round, but it just tastes the best on a hot day in the summer. Go figure.

5. Eastern Shore Crab Cakes with a Twist

We’re both Maryland girls, so we grew up eating the blue crabs every summer, but Ellen is a legit Eastern Shore chick. This recipe might cause a minor uproar as she deviates from the traditional much-beloved recipe, but it’s such a delicious variation that we think you’ll agree that she is more than forgiven for taking her liberties.

6. Crabs

But we like our crabs straight up too. Whether you flavor them with a little Old Bay or a little Kosher Salt and Cayenne Pepper, a crab feast by any of our various shores is the epitome of a Maryland summer.

And if you are old enough to hold a crayon, you are gonna learn how to peel your own crabs. Even if your Mom and Dad moved you to Pittsburgh.

7. Tomatoes

We are just gonna say it out loud: Tomatoes have got one season and this is it. When they have to travel to get to your table, they get all petulant and put out and don’t taste anything like their wonderful, flavorful cousins who ripened on your vine this summer. If your garden is lousy with these gems, then we can help you spin your gold into something really useful . . . like bruschetta.

Click on this button to get a whole slideshow of delicious tomato recipes!

So, even though summer is now in our rearview mirror as we head on into autumn, at least you now have a lovely parting gift—our favorite summer recipes.

Catch ya next year, Summer!

-Erin and Ellen

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BlogHer 2013: A Queen, A Square To Spare, and A Blog Roll

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We have been blogging for about a year and a half, but this week right here is when a slew of our family and “In-Real-Life” friends have suddenly been, “Soooo explain to me EXACTLY what you do on your website thingy because I thought you were just diddling on Facebook and ignoring your kids.”

This explanation can take a loooooooong time when you have to start at how to turn on the computer, but it’s worth it to get to the part where Al Gore created the internet for all to enjoy.

Maybe their interests were peaked by this photo. Famous people do make folks get all flustery and, well, interested.

Forever grateful to the random blogger Erin threw her DSLR to as we stormed the stage. Grateful she was a great photographer and that she didn’t immediately think, “Score! New camera for me.” We hope you see this post, our photography angel, so we can really thank you. From left to right is US!, Lisa from Grandma’s Briefs, Sandra from Apart From My Art, Lois from Midlife at the Oasis, Janie Emaus, Julie from Julie DeNeen 2.0, and a little smidgen of Katia from I Am The Milk.

Apparently fighting our way to the front for school plays and gymnastic recitals served us well because look at us!

Nah, we’re just kidding. We were one of the last on stage because we had to scale the side like spider monkeys in heels. It was so crowded, we had no choice but to be in the front. Once again, Ellen’s propensity for procrastination was rewarded.

Queen Latifah did say she would call us up to be on her new talk show when she did her segment on “soccer moms who are unusually spry and not afraid to show their Spanx to strangers to get what they want.” Well, she didn’t say it in words, but she has really expressive eyes.

But this is really the middle of the story. What got us here to be honored as a BlogHer 2013 Humor Voices of the Year was our writing.

We had learned our lesson and ditched the heels.

We still can’t believe our writing was blown up to Shaquille O’Neal proportions. And that sucker would have totally gone home with us if we could have sneaked it out, but Erin totally made a spectacle of herself going past security because she couldn’t find her badge. She pretends to be all sweet, but then she is all like, “Fight the power, I don’t need no stinkin’ badge,” and we’re left looking longingly at the all meat buffet over a really big guy’s shoulder.

A Sausage Fest in the worst way possible. This was ALL of the food. Oh wait, we exaggerate, there was white bread, too.

A Sausage Fest without the star power of Channing Tatum. This was ALL of the food. Oh wait, we exaggerate, there was white bread, too.

We did get in and the security guy became our best buddy, but all hopes of smuggling an 8 foot tall display board were dashed.

But the poster board is the middle of the story too. The beginning of the story is our writing. When we started, we weren’t even able to fully imagine where the blog would lead us, but it’s the writing that has gotten us there – from the opportunities we have gotten to the friendships we have made.

BlogHer 2013 reiterated for us:

Never lose sight of your writing craft because that is what drives your blog machine forward.
Your blog is your business, so treat it with the respect it deserves.
It is okay to do business with kindness and compassion and to help others along the way.

To understand what a special lift-each-other-up kind of business blogging really is, behold our Anti-Square-to-Spare moment with Norine from the Science of Parenthood. Remember on Seinfeld when Elaine was trapped in the public restroom with no toilet paper and the biotch in the next stall told her she did not even have a square to spare? Well we had a blank white template to spare and we shared it with Norine because she needed it to really get her Pinterest game going.

She was profoundly thankful and we really couldn’t understand the depth of her gratitude until we talked with her about her blogging experiences versus her time in the magazine world. We can see why she finds it refreshing.

And here is the kicker, we were sharing the template that Kim from Let Me Start By Saying shared with us. We were just paying the kindness forward.

And speaking of showing the love, we have been helped and embraced by so many, but we have never created a blogroll. It just felt too overwhelming, but when we looked at our pictures from BlogHer, we realized they just about formed our “Blogs We Read/Share/Love/Honor” for us. So if a picture is worth a thousand words, our thousand pictures should be worth a library.

You’re kind of in luck because this picture right here is a large chunk of our adoration. We do like to be efficient.

You Know It Happens At Your House Too, The Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess, My Life and Kids, Mom’s New Stage, Let Me Start By Saying, Hollow Tree Ventures, Mommy Shorts, Frugalista Blog, Nicole Leigh Shaw, House TalkN

Okay, the efficiency might end here. There is going to be overlap . . . and you’re gonna love it.

Left: Michelle from Old Dog New Tits and Mel from According to Mags. Right: That is Michelle and Mel again promoting their bimonthly link-up “Ketchup With Us” with Kelley from Kelley’s Break Room squeeeeeeezed in the middle.

HouseTalkN and Because My Life Is Fascinating

Lemon Drop Pie was our VOTY buddy.

We kinda fell in love with Leigh Bones a little bit more.

Mom's New Stage with Full Of It. Bonus Awesome: Another peek of Kim from Let Me Start By Saying in the background

Mom’s New Stage with Full Of It. These ladies are so fabulous. Bonus Awesome: Another peek of Kim from Let Me Start By Saying in the background.

I’m Still Learning with Let Me Start By Saying

These are some funny ladies! SO happy to meet 649.133: Girls, the Care and Raising Of and Nicole Leigh Shaw (Ninja Mom)

Love the blogging duo Grown and Flown!

Our other blogging duo love: The Science of Parenthood

Our other blogging duo love: Science of Parenthood

Squee! The Bearded Iris

The “I Just Want To Pee Alone” Book Signing was a fabulous event! We passed the evening with even more ladies on our “Blogroll in Our Minds”: Confessions of a Corn Fed Girl,Insane In The Mom-Brain, Rach Riot, Baby Sideburns, and People I Want To Punch In The Throat

This is a fabulous photo of Kelley’s Break Room and Let Me Start By Saying, but we really just had to honor the photo bombing skills of Frugalista Blog.

Moms Who Drink and Swear breezed in and out of our lives too quickly.

My Life and Kids is wicked smart and funny.

Here is House TalkN with our newest blog crush via Mommy Shorts: Harlow, the most interesting baby in the world.

FOR THE RECORD: Editing all of these photos was much more time consuming than making a traditional blog roll! What were we thinking? AND we met other great ladies of whom we have no great pictures.

So to round out the BlogHer Blog Roll list: Carisa Miller, Shitastrophy, Becoming SuperMommy, Martinis and Minivans, Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom, Not a Super Mom, Generation Fabulous, Another Bottle of Whine, Mommy, For Real, Wendy Nielsen, and Robin’s Chick.

Peace, Love, and Chicago!

-Ellen and Erin

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How to Recognize The Sensible Moms at BlogHer 13

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This post is going to have a little bit of something for everyone.

For our “real life” friends – What BlogHer and VOTY mean will finally be revealed!

For our blogging friends – You will be given the tools to pick us out in the crowd!

For our children – We gift you with a heaping dose of humiliation!

BlogHer is the HUGE conference on all things women and blogging – over 5,000 attendees last year! There are seminars on how to hone and pump up your blogging craft, there are speakers, there is an expo floor full of brand representatives ready to toss out swag, and there are lounges where they pamper you with caffeine and wifi. We even heard somewhere there is karaoke, but we’ll be skipping that . . . and the universe breathed a sigh of relief.

Another part of this extravaganza is Voice Of The Year – VOTY. This is where bloggers submit their own best writing (or the blog posts of their peers) to be judged in one of four categories: Op-Ed, Humor, Heart, or Inspiration. Each category has honorees, three readers, and a People’s Choice Award.

There were 2,600 submissions, but only 25 pieces were honored in each category! I’m assuming we’ll be able to pick out the committee members at the conference by their blood shot eyes and fear of sunlight. What an impossible job to pick 100 pieces of writing out of that honkin’ deep pool of talent. That is why we were delighted and gratified when we were chosen as a Humor Honoree for The Sensible Sisterhood Summer Camp. Read the rest of the selections here to understand why we’re so humbled.

We’ve really taken this explanation as far as we can BECAUSE THIS IS OUR FIRST CONFERENCE! We’re newbies and we’re just gonna ride the wave to Chicago and have a blast! But we were a little worried that our blogger friends would not be able to recognize us in the flesh. So that is where the humiliation of our children comes in. We made a video. Behold.

And then they vlogged . . .

So it’s a little fuzzy and sound challenged, but so are we. Maybe we’ll just stick to what got us here – writing.

Ellen and Erin

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Facebook Follow-Up Friday #2

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Because Facebook doesn’t show all of our followers all of the awesomeness all of the time we have . . .

And Then What Happened:

Right before Christmas Ellen was lucky enough to bid adieu to this dinosaur.

It was big enough to wash two towels and a sock at the same time. Jealous? You can visit it in the American History Museum of Junk.

Ellen: But I traded tiny loads and barely clean clothes for jeans and long sleeves that were twisted like Tasmanian Devils hopped up on cherry Kool-Aid. So I turned to our Facebook nation for some answers because reading manuals is for suckas.

There were lots of great suggestions, so I mashed them all together and this is what has worked for me.

I increased the water level (which still allows me to fill the washer completely with clothes), I decreased the spin speed, and I bought more of those mesh lingerie bags. I have always used those bags for our bras and delicates, but now I have enough to put our long sleeved button down shirts in, too. You may be sputtering that I’m ruining the whole HE thing by increasing the water level and spinning the clothes slower, but I contest that I can still wash in one cycle what use to be three separate loads and I can wash everything in cold because the machine performs so well.

We Threw Down The Soft Drink Gauntlet:

Ellen: Over 2,500 people saw this post and 138 chimed in with their opinions. We are glad that our followers gave this topic the attention it deserved. The map proved correct in OUR very unscientific poll. Seriously, who originally collected this data and took the time to make a map? I guess I could track it down, but I don’t have that kind of time. Finding funny stuff for our Facebook page is time suck enough.

There were some outliers: a couple people from the South reported they said soda water, a Massachusetts resident claimed tonic was the word, while a Pennsylvania transplant called it Liquid Satan, but was raised calling it soda in Massachusetts. Seems like that would deserve a little icon of hell fire, right? One rebel reported Scotch. Our favorite answer?

A friend from high school did shoot down my claim that we say “Coke” on the Lower Eastern Shore of Maryland, but others from the area backed me up. Hey, look how garbled that map is in that area. I’m sticking to my claim there was a turquoise dot on my roof.

A couple of Yankees were perplexed by the Coke thing. How can you just say Coke when there are a bajillion different beverages out there?

Two scenarios explain it all. I didn’t say they made sense, but they explain it.

1. The Die Hard Coca-Cola Aficionado.

“I’ll have a Coke.” “Is Pepsi okay?” “I’ll just have water.”

2. The Coke As a Generic Name Perpetrator (Sort of like saying Kleenex for all tissues or here’s an oldie, saying Xerox to indicate you’re copying something on a machine.)

“I’ll have a coke.” “What kind?” “Root beer.”

You can check all of the results here because we will not be accused of hanging chads.

Recipes We Shared:

Yum. We make this easy crockpot meal every time we have a small army to feed. We have carted this Chicken Bar-B-Q from the mountains to the beach and everywhere in between. It is so good, so good you see.

Ecard People Loved:

Don’t know whether this says more about us or our readers that this one was such a huge hit.

Posts to Catch Up On:

Evil Joy Lurks Beneath the Surface of The Sisterhood

This is the one where we reveal the tiny little bit of evil joy we take when the other one loses their mind for a minute. Oh, and there’s a video that gives you a little behind-the-scenes look at The Sisterhood. It is so worth a look just for that. Honestly.

Mom Brain is Forever

You know the fuzzy brain you get from lack of sleep when you have a newborn? IT NEVER GOES AWAY. Hope that doesn’t make us Buzz Kill Moms, but we thought you should know and we even offer a couple of solutions.

Facebook Follow-Up #1

If you are looking for some extra reading material, you can always catch up on our Facebook goodies from last week. They were funny too, and because Facebook can be an evil overlord, you probably didn’t see those either.

Funny Photo:

Erin shared this one along with the fact that no cookie jar, candy jar, or sugar cereal would be safe in her house. Everyone who read it gave her a virtual fist bump. Truth, FB-style.

Any of this look good to you? Head on over to our Facebook Page and see what’s going on right now!

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Evil Joy Lurks Below the Surface of The Sisterhood

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Alright,we are just gonna lay this out for you: we have a great friendship. We laugh, we hang, and we respect each other. Truly. You have heard us wax poetic about each other here, here, and here. We started this blog together because our parenting styles are so in sync. Hello? Sensible Moms.

But every once in a loooooong while, we just take the slightest, teensiest, most microscopic joy in watching the other one squirm. Most of the time, we are both just one missing shoe away from losing our minds, so watching the other teeter on the precipice provides validation that no one is perfect and we’re all just doing the best that we can to keep the crazy train on the tracks.

Butttttt, it also provides pure, indulgent entertainment. If that makes us slightly evil, we are 100% A-OK with that because we look darn good in black and have been diligently practicing our maniacal laughs.

10 Evil Joys of The Sensible Moms

1. Scanner Bite in the Butt

Erin has been telling Ellen for no less than one year that she is about to hook up her scanner. So far, it has only bitten Ellen and the blog in the arse until last Thursday . . .

Erin: Oh my goodness! This morning, like at 6:45 AM, I found out that Biddie (14) needs a 2 x 3 baby picture of herself for her school’s yearbook and the deadline to email it is TODAY! She was born pre-digital! Ahhhhh! I’m headed over to a friend’s house right now to scan one before the bell rings.

Ellen: Oh, is it inconvenient for you not to have a scanner? I can’t imagine what that feels like. Oh wait, I can.

Erin: Not quite the support I was looking for.

Ellen: How about this? Plug in the blasted USB cord.

2. Throwing Gasoline on Girls’ Night Out

Ellen: Erin gets plenty of flexibility training patting herself on the back for her peacemaking abilities . . . and she really should because she has mad skills. She is the one we turn to all of the time to cool down heated discussions and and to salve hurt feelings. But every once in a while, she loses her ever-loving mind over the most unlikely subjects.

Erin: I’m sorry, but Andy Griffith really is not that great.

Ellen: That’s right, folks. She ground not one, but two soirees to a halt because she could keep silent no more about her loathing for Mr. Griffith.

Source: sisterhoodofthesensiblemoms.com via Sisterhood on Pinterest

Erin: Seriously? Do we need to rehash this? We already covered it here and, I might add, we decided that I deserved a sliver of vindication.

Ellen: Take your sliver if it makes you feel better. I’m just over here enjoying the chuckles it still gives me.

3. Keening Over Keens

Ellen: So while we are on the subject of Erin losing her mind over the most unlikely topics . . .

Erin: I’m ready to start spreading the evil joy around to someone else . . .

Ellen: There was this one time, while on our Big Love camping trip, that she wanted to stage a photo with all of the Keen sandals.

Erin: C’mon, it was pretty cool that all 5 moms and all 13 kids had Keens. It was like an advertisement!

Ellen: I am totally with you that it was a great picture . . .

A photo like this just doesn’t happen.

Ellen: But here is what YOU always like to refer to as “the rest of the story.” Seriously, if you want to see behind the curtain of The Sisterhood, you MUST watch this.

Erin: The shoes were not matching up because Biddie(14) wasn’t paying attention when she grabbed her Keens out of the garage and picked up TWO DIFFERENT SIZES. And I had to ask a bajillion times for her to even do that.

Ellen: I still maintain that while she made a blister-inducing bed, she snuggled down in it and NEVER complained once that her shoes weren’t fitting. What more could you want?

Erin: How about owning up to it when I was LOSING MY MIND because it looked like we were missing two shoes because of the mismatched pair?

Ellen: Fine. But what is your excuse for the Christmas tree debacle?

4. Christmas Farm or Funny Farm?

Erin: Oh, Ellen, might have been slightly jealous of my Christmas tree-getting tradition in the past. With its rosy glow of familial harmony, it was practically a Hallmark commercial. But that was all in the past. This year, things got ugly on my end and it was Ellen’s turn to smirk. Apparently, there’s only so much Norman Rockwell to go around.

Ellen: I took my evil joy with a side of fabulous family memories topped with some Beyonce-level awesomeness.

5. Bloggers Dance Meltdown

Erin: Back in May, we played with the gracious, funny Kerry at House Talkn who hosts Blogger’s Dance.

Ellen: Let’s be accurate, I played. YOU were still struggling with some of the more technical aspects of blogging and STILL telling me you were about to hook up your scanner.

Erin: I did try to talk you out of it.

Ellen: That is one of the more helpful things you did because it did set me with a fit.

Erin: You took to the tech-y side of blogging like a Gremlin to water . . .

Ellen: I’m not sure that analogy is complimentary . . .

Erin: So it was with the wee-est, teensiest, most minuscule bit of joy that I watched the video have its way with you.

Ellen: Dude! Part of the problem was that YOU couldn’t get the video off of your camera and I had to construct your part on Paint (I know! Right?) with a photo MARY emailed to me because YOU never sent me one.

Erin: What’s done is done because the end product was so worth every hour spent, tear shed, and drop of alcohol consumed. You can read the original post here. Or just get your boogie on with the video . . .

If this inspired you to get your groove on, there is still time to dance your way into Kerry’s Valentine’s Day link-up.

6. Crock O’ Something

Erin: Whilst Big Lov-ing with some of our Sisterhood friends this summer, I thought I made an interesting discovery while making our awesome Chicken Bar-B-Q. I felt like Erin The Science Gal.

Ellen: Here it comes.

Erin: But to feed the army that was five families camping, we brought two crockpots—Ellen’s with the dark crock and Erin’s with the white crock. Same ingredients. Same time. Same everything. Different results. Hmmmm. Well, the theories started a-flying. I believed the color of the insert made a difference.

Ellen: I think that is a crock of you-know-what (Pun!). The entire Sisterhood, not just me, delighted in the way this knocked Erin off her rocker.

Erin: I may or may not be planning a legit science experiment to prove my point. Stay tuned.

Aww, does this look like a group who would throw down over crockpots?? Why, Yes. Yes, it does!

7. Mother’s Day Madness

Ellen: Nothing can send a woman over the edge faster than her family proclaiming that they will devote an entire day to her and her needs when she knows them better than anyone and knows that ain’t gonna happen—no way, no how.

Erin: Mother’s Day 2012 took Ellen down and hard. I, not yet knowing that Andy Griffith, the Keens, the crockpot, and the tree farm would do me in, delighted in Ellen’s monumental Momma meltdown.

Ellen: Oh, Karma is one sneaky devil, she is.

Ellen, Post-Tasmanian-Devil-Style Flip-Out Over Mother’s Day, her calendar, etc.

8. Travel Team Tantrums

Erin: Having kids on travel teams for soccer for the last few years, I almost choked when Ellen told me Coco (14) was joining a travel volleyball league. And then I laughed. But I swear, it was really more in commiseration. I was laughing with her, not at her.

Ellen: Yeah. To be fair, I did my research and the team had NEVER gone to ANY all weekend tournaments. . . until this year, that is.

Erin: I thought I had told you that Travel Team is code for Gas-Guzzling, Time-Sucking, Money-Grubbing Sports Enterprise.

Ellen: I think you undersold it.

Erin: Well, I think in this case the joke’s on both of us.

9. Will Smith Gets Us But No One Else Does

Ellen: Remember wayyyyy back in the day when the Fresh Prince sang, “Parents just don’t understand”. He felt us. Honestly.

Erin: Our families and friends get that we blog. But let’s just say the majority don’t get why or how and, frankly, really don’t understand it. At all. Which is totally OK. But we do get a little evil joy when one of them says, “Well, maybe I’ll go write a blog too”.

Ellen: To which we say, “Peace out. Rock on.” And then cackle into our magic mirrors.

10. The last evil joy

Erin: I’ll admit that there was this one time I got a little smug about my triumph on the blog. We were skewering a children’s book for Ninja Mom’s Character Assassination Carousel, and we thought it would be better to read it aloud, like a read-along story. After HOURS of working (Read: crying, stomping my feet like a two year old, and throwing back some whiskey sour slushies like they were water), I finally got the audio player on to the post. My first thought? I showed Ellen.

Ellen: And MY first thought was, “Ha! I’m glad that you had a hard time with it, because the tech side of blogging has been sucking my time like a leech.”

And on that note . . .

Click the link to read some other great posts over at Monday Listicles!

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Ain’t Nobody Got Time For Valentine’s Day Pintershizz

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Here’s the deal. Between January 31st and February 11th, both of us have birthdays and so do our husbands, so by the time Valentine’s Day rolls around this is pretty much how we feel:

Now don’t go calling us the Grinches of Valentine’s Day. We’re just tired of spending and doing by the time the 14th rolls round. Seriously, it’s hard enough mustering enthusiasm for birthdays once you high-five forty, but birthdays lurking along less than 50 days after Christmas? Meh. And then Valentine’s Day about a week later? Well, Sweet Brown up there expressed it best. We’re turning to our old pal Pintershizz to find —

10 Things Pintershizz We Don’t Have Time For on Valentine’s Day

1. Going out to dinner.

Does this surprise you? In theory it sounds good and we do love date nights with our husbands. However, Valentine’s Day is like amateur night: the menus are often fixed, the prices are hiked, and the service is lousy because the poor wait staff is running ragged fluttering those rose petals over champagne toasts. Give us a random Friday night out instead and we’ll swoon. Plus, Ellen still hasn’t gotten over the memory of the V-Day about 21 years ago when she and her husband got the worst case of food poisoning they have ever endured. The restaurant was named Il Fiore, but will forever be known as The ILL Fiore to Ellen and Frank.

You might consider al fresco dining as a way to beat the crowds, but it is February, People. A table for two outside can quickly turn into gurneys for two in the Emergency Room. Because frostbite. Unless you’re in the tropics and then why are you reading this post? It’ gorgeous, get outside. Pinterest source.

2. Flowers

Okay, now maybe we ARE vying for the title of “Grinches of Valentine’s Day,” but flowers on V-day just seem so trite, and well, easy. And oh my goodness, they are expensive. Just surprise us with daisies on a random day in June and use the rest of the flower fund to make us some spare keys for our vans so we have a 60% chance of getting out of the house on time.

Get a bonus King Kong sized box of Claritin if you order right now with promo code: thismakesmethinkyouareguiltyaboutsomething. Pinterest source.

3. Torture devices passing as sexy

Okay, we like sexy just as much as the next girl, but if it is going to cause us the discomfort of a thousand cactus needles being shoved under our fingernails while simultaneously enduring Justin Beiber piped directly into our craniums, then you can just throw that mess onto the Pintershit pile, too.

On second thought, maybe these will keep Pushy Peggy from running up on our junk in the Walmart checkout line. Pinterest source.

4. Lingerie

C’mon. Who’s the lingerie really for? Is it really a gift for us? See above if you’ve forgotten that quickly how we feel about sexy items passing for torture devices. Take Granny’s advice—nothing says sexy louder than a girl who is comfortable in her own ~~skin~~ panties—emphasis on the comfortable.

Is it underwear or washable birth control? Pinterest source.

5. Man Costumes

No!! Just because we said that lingerie was not exactly a gift for us, we didn’t mean our men had to dress up! This does not qualify as a gift either . . . although there is the gift of laughter to consider.

Want to see my toaster streudal? Pinterest source.

6. Geekery Fashion

We know we’ve just been yucking it up with the granny panties and with lederhosen, but Valentine’s Day really isn’t the time for gag gifts. If it makes you snicker in the store, just walk away or throw it on the Pintershizz bonfire.

It’s a puzzle, it’s a purse, no, it’s a bad idea. Pinterest source.

7. Things to Make Homemaking Easier

Get it together! No appliances are to be given on Valentine’s Day! Even a vacuum this cool can’t get you out of the doghouse . . . unless it comes with a FULL TIME housekeeper à la The Brady Bunch. So to clarify: any appliance without an “Alice” is Pintershizz.

The only thing that will be wanted if we receive appliances for Valentine’s Day is us . . . for murder. Pinterest source.

8. Sweets

We can hear you saying, “What is wrong with you two? What is so bad about candy on Valentine’s Day?” Well, let’s just say we’ve been working really hard trying to beat the post-40 bulge and we don’t actually want to fit into those granny panties.

Nope. No jewelry in here, only diabeetus. Pinterest source.

9. The Love Toilet

Do we really have to explain why this is Pintershizz? C’mon, you’re better than that!

What better way to spend $1400 than to pave your way to divorce court? Pinterest source.

10. The Wine Purse

What did we say about tacky gag gifts . . . wait a minute. This is pure genius! Write this one down.

Making friends at PTA meetings since 2014. Pinterest source.

So what will we accept on Valentine’s Day since we have just poo-pooed a ton of the classics and then some? Well,we’d never turn away jewelry.

Earrings always fit no matter how much Halloween/Christmas/Valentine’s Day candy you indulge in. Pinterest source.

Unless it looks like this! Get your head in the game!

Their dreams of us making supplemental income as voodoo priestesses are just gonna have to die. Maybe we could sell their baseball cards instead? Pinterest source.

The direct route to the romance-filled center of our hearts? A night away—No! A weekend away!—fully planned by our hubbies INCLUDING arrangements for the kids and pets. That last piece of planning is what makes this the true gift of romance. Can we get an “Amen”? But even the gazillion points they would earn by scheduling babysitting would be cancelled out if they took us here.

Nothing is more romantic than hanky-panky in a drainpipe. Pinterest source.

Happy Valentine’s Day from the oh-so-easy-to-please Sensible Sisterhood!

May you NOT receive these Pintershizz-y gifts this Valentine’s Day!

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Well, The Coyote Is Outta The Bag

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Just when you think you know a girl, look in her purse.

Here’s what went down.

Last weekend was the 10th Annual Sisterhood Mother-Daughter Christmas Tea Party. Are you doing the math? It was JANUARY last weekend—NOT December.

Ten years ago, when we were young mothers, we thought a tea party would be a grand idea—one more chance for the sweet babies to wear their pretty Christmas dresses! We even had little tea pots, and there was, and still is, a book exchange among the not-so-little-any-more girls (yep, we started the love-of-books-brain-washing young!). This year, an evil virus took down one of the families over Christmas, hence, the post-holiday date. With our combined schedules, we are oh-so-lucky we weren’t singing yuletide carols by the pool in June, but, whatever, on with the Fa-La-La-ing.

Yep, that is a coyote skin the girls are dangling over the balcony. Perhaps “Tea Party” is a little too high rent for what we have going on.

We were all just sitting around coffee-klatching it up. Yes, we know we JUST said it was a TEA party, but it was decided about 3 seconds into the first tea party that the tea was really just for the girls. (And really the “tea” was water because we’re not insane.) We Moms require something with a little higher octane. The lovely afternoon hummed with the sounds of old friends catching up and the girls playing oh-so-beautifully when . . .

Ellen: Why on earth do you have a paper towel roll in your purse? You don’t even use paper towels.

Erin: embarrassed giggle

Ellen: I feel like I just walked in on a vegetarian devouring a Big Mac.

Suddenly all eyes are on Erin. The Sisterhood all know The Big Secret, but most people do not: Erin’s family does not use paper towels. They broke their Bounty habit about 4 years ago and haven’t looked back. The only negative is when people find out. Nothing gets a room whipped into a frenzy faster than a woman who has abandoned her paper products. They start sputtering, “HOW can you do that?” Then they belligerently berate, “But what about raw meat juices and vomit!?!” And it goes on and on.

So Erin is quick to go on the defensive when someone shines a spotlight on it— like lightning-fast, hair-trigger defensive. You CANNOT believe how crazy people get over the No-Paper-Towel lifestyle. Or can you? Calm yourself. It’s not like she doesn’t use toilet paper.

Ultimately, this was not a grand confessional moment. She was only the runner! Erin was ferrying the paper towel rolls to a neighbor to be transformed into swords for a birthday party. Can we all just agree now that Pinterest is going to be the death of us all?

But it definitely got us to thinking about what other secrets might be uncovered in the great abysses known as our purses. So here’s . . .

10 Things Our Purses Reveal About Us

Ellen

Erin is not the only environmentalist in the Sisterhood — her with her radical No Paper Towel Policy. My purse shows that I’m trying to save the planet by keeping the world’s garbage in my purse instead of sending it to a landfill. Here are some highlights.

1. Same red bird ornament as Erin.

The first rule of Red Bird Club is do not talk about Red Bird Club.

2. Sunday School ornament nestled up to some screws.

Can we take a moment to respect the character that is my baby? In church, my 12 year old sunshine created a Christmas decoration hashtagged YOLO and SWAG. While SWAG might be fitting for my Savior, He definitely was THE exception for “You only live once.”

Can we not talk about why I have not one, but ~~two~~ five Christmas ornaments in my purse in February?

By the way, matching up those screws is what is standing between me and a finished laundry closet. That and 13 hours of labor.

3. USB cord.

I’m a gal who is always prepared. In the countryside that I call home, it is not uncommon for internet to drop out. When you do something as important as blog for no profit, you need to be prepared to tether your cell phone as a hotspot . . . that is, if you happen to have any bars. I should blog with smoke signals.

4. Two wallets are heavier than one.

See that super cute Coach wristlet on the left? That was going to be the answer to lightening my load – only the essential cards and cash AND I could just grab it and go when I didn’t want to drag around my whole garbage can, I mean purse. The reality? I haven’t cleaned my wallet out to make sure I have all of my essentials, so now I’m dragging them BOTH around.

5. A card is worth a thousand words.

This trio of cards landed together. It was like a tea leaves reading: a Dunkin’ Donuts card, a Lego card, and a Kohl’s coupon for Black Friday. (Once again, I know it is now February.) Make of it what you will.

Erin

I kind of suspect that this is what the inside of my head looks like.

6. Same Red Bird as Ellen

First Rule of Red Bird Club is do not talk about Red Bird Club.

7. 400 Speed Film

Hmmm. I don’t even use my film camera any more since I took up with the fabulous DSLR Nikon. Yes, ladies, sometimes shiny and new can sway you from tried and true. I suspect I found these when cleaning out a drawer and said “Wow, I should really get that developed”, but I have no recollection of having this conversation with myself. Perhaps the person who swiped my camera bag left these in exchange. It’ s a Nancy Drew mystery.

8. Business Cards

Super important to have on hand when you are blogging for no profit.

9. Survival Stockpile

Purse or Suburban Mom Survivalist pack? You decide. You can’t really see it in this picture, but there’s even an emergency medical kit hidden in an Altoids tin, complements of my little Cub Scout. With this bag in tow, just grab a great hat, put on your best Indiana Jones swagger, and pilot that mini-van towards your next adventure. You could survive for days in the suburban jungle with this mess.

10. Birth Certificate and Social Security Card

All apologies to my mom and dad who actually spent one Saturday morning looking through THEIR files for these documents. I found these nice and safe in an envelope in my purse.

Who carries around their birth certificate, you ask? This girl!! You see I am going away with my husband for the first time in a long time. Not away, like “Hey, kids, we are hanging out in the basement. Go destroy the rest of the house” away, but more like “Hey, we’ll send you a postcard. Please don’t kill your grandparents before we get back” kind of away.

We are going on the kind of away that requires a passport and about 40 mom-hours worth of work before the magical, hanging-out with my husband sans kids can happen. Super-excited for the trip AND that I found these documents!

Of course, our souvenir from the last trip like this is in kindergarten now, which reminds of a few more things that I should put on my to-do list.

PS– Do you see that I carry my husband’s old swiss army knife?? Wasn’t kidding about that Survivalist pack.

So, in the end, this look inside the purses doesn’t end up being a grand confessional either. Just more of what you have come to expect: a little silly, a little sensible, a little sweet.

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